BAJAJ: MOVING FORWARD
Buat gw, kendaraan satu ini masuk dalam salah satu kendaraan yang menyebalkan, selain Metromini. Berbagai alasan yang menempatkan bajaj masuk dalam kategori MNV alias “Most Ngeselin Vehicle”. Yang paling sering, belok kanan ato kiri seenak jidat. Biasanya, merrk yang udah tahu kelakuan para Bajaj Driver ngerti banget, bajaj yang mepet-mepets ke kendaraan kita, itu tandanya doi mo belok.
Lampu sen yang ada di belakang kendaraan kayak basa-basi aja. Sebenarnya cuma buat “pemanis”. Biar dibilang gaya, plus biar juga nggak ditangkep DLLAJR. Because lampu sen cuma sekadar hiasan, kalo mo belok kanan ato kiri, sang Bajaj Driver memfungsikan kakinya sebagai pengganti sen kiri or kanan. Kalo mo belok kanan, yg diangkat keluar jendela adalah kaki kanan, begitu sebaliknya. Jd lucu banget kalo ngeliat Bajaj Driver mo belok, yang kelihatan dari belakang jempol kakinya yg melambai-lambai bak pohon kelapa di pantai.
Mending kalo kaki si Bajaj Driver itu nggak memunculkan bau-bau tak sedap. Kebanyakan justru kaki-kaki para Bajaj Driver bau jempol. Ada bekas oli-oli di permukaan kulit, menandakan baru aja doi ngebengkel di tengah jalan. Harusnya, next time si Bajaj Driver ke salon, supaya kuku kakinya di-padicure.
Ada juga sih yang agak “sopan”. Kalo belok, pake tangan. Kalo belok kiri, pake tangan kiri. Kalo belok kanan, pake tangan kanan. Sayang, kadang-kadang tangan Bajaj Driver ini sering nggak lihat ada orang di samping. Begitu tangan dikeluarkan dari jendela Bajaj, biasanya langsung menampar kepala orang. “Plok!” Selain nggak sempat liat lagi ada orang apa nggak, gara-garanya sang Bajaj Driver juga terlalu semangat untuk belok. Takut momentum beloknya nggak dapat. Maklum, di Jakarta ini rada-rada sulit belok di tengah keramaian.
Cara manggil bajaj pun beda-beda. Menurut KUBMB alias Kamus Umum Bahasa Manggil Bajaj, sediitnya ada 2 gaya panggilan.
“Bang! Bang! Bajaj,” ada yg manggilnya rada sopan seperti itu.
Ada yg manggilnya begini: “Jay! Jay!” Nah, kalo manggilnya model begitu, please be carefull. Kenapa? Yang nongol bukannya Bajaj Driver, tapi kalo gak Jay Subiayakto ya Dimas Jay deh. Ya, kecuali mereka berdua udah pensiun jadi Director trus jadi Bajaj Driver, itu beda lagi masalahnya.
Yang salah kalo manggil Bajaj Driver begini: “Baj! Baj!” Itu sama saja melakukan perusakan nama kendaraan. Masa kendaraan yang sering sisamakan dengan BMW (Bajaj Merah Warnanya) ini manggilnya nggak cool sih. Lagi pula intonasinya juga jadi nggak asyik didengarnya, ya nggak?
Bajaj juga memekakkan telinga. Buat mereka yang mengaku Nenek-Nenek atau Kakek-Kakek yang sudah lebih dulu budeg, akan semakin budeg kalo naik kendaraan asli negara nehi-nehi ini. Soalnya, “sound system” yang dihasilkan dari engine bajaj, memberikan nuansa indah dan memekakkan kuping. Jangan heran, kalo kita lagi conversation di bajaj, seringkali kita teriak-teriak. Ngerinya setelah turun dai bajaj, gaya percakapan ini dipakai sampai ke rumah. Kalo begitu kejadiannya, paling-paling ditimpukin tetangga-tetangga.
Yang paling enak naik bajaj, kalo kita lagi pacaran. Di bajaj nggak perlu jurus merayu ala playboy kabel. Stop speaking! Kita cukup mengaktifkan tangan dan bibir. Tahu dong tangan diaktifkan untuk apa, bibir diaktifkan untuk apa? But be carefull, kalo lewat terowongan, pada saat adegan ciuman, bibir elo ketuker cium bibir Bajaj Driver. Bisa-bisa kualat sama Pacar elo!
Kalo gw baca di sejarah gokil karya Prof. Brill, bajaj mngkin sudah ada sejak zaman Perang Dunia (PD) ke-2 kali.
Selain jeep, bajaj jadi kendaraan perang, yang membawa tentara Amrik menembus Vietnam. Kalo biasanya bajaj cukup tiga penumpang, buat tentara Amrik cuma muat satu bajaj satu orang. Maklum badan tentara Amrik kan gede-gede. Udah gitu bawa senjata kaliber pula. Komplet seseknye deh! Coba bayangkan kalo satu peleton naik bajaj, menembus jln Hon Chin Minh di Vietnam, meliat-liuk mengindari bom. Wiih! pasti seru banget! Persis opening scene film James Bond: Quantum of Solace yang adegan kejar-kejaran itu.
Selain sebagai kendaraan perang, bajaj juga jadi kendaraan elit di era 60-an. Kalo naik bajaj serasa naik Innova tipe V. Gemuk dan menggemaskan. Rasanya pengen nyubit-bit bodynya! Bedanya, Innova ada penyejuk ruang, bajaj ada angin sepoi-sepoi yang masuk melalui jendela-jendela yang lebar-lebar itu. Dengan pendingin dan pengharum ruang, mereka yang naik Innova jadi bisa ngorok. Sementara kalo bajaj, tidur nggak akan pernah pules, apalagi sampe ngorok. Karena, setiap saat sang Bajaj Driver bisa menikung tajam. Sometimes kalo bajaj dilewati truk sampah, “keharuman” sampah-sampah itu, akan tercium dengan seketika.
Friends, elo boleh sebut gw ambigu. Di satu sisi, gw sebel banget dengan kendaraan yang dari dulu sampe sekarang rodanya masih tiga ajah ini. Di sisi lain, ada kerinduan kalo bajaj nggak ada di jalan, pas gerimis mengundang. Soalnya, buat gw, bajaj menjadi kendaraan gw penganti ojek. Buat nyelip-nyelip di gang senggol, putar haluan menerobos jalanan verboden, bajaj sama kalibernya dengan ojek. Nggak mungkin dong taksi seperti itu? Nah, di sinilah positioning bajaj jadi okeh punya di mata gw (maksudnya gw jadi nggak sebel kalo konteksnya seperti ini). Dengan uang yang pas-pasan, kita bisa menikmati kendaraan gokil sampe kuping kita budeg. Moving forward duhai my Bajaj! Keluarkan jempol kakimu hai Bajaj Driver, selagi tangamu nggak mampu!
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