Fulan Itu Adalah Aku
Senja mulai beranjak meninggalkan petala langit dan aku tengah duduk memandanginya di hamparan rerumputan. Semilir angin mulai berdesir membisikkan lullaby dan aku beringsut dalam hening meninggalkan riuh gemuruh ombak.
Tak satupun orang yang berkenan memandangiku, mungkin karena aku adalah sosok yang tak bisa diperkenankan untuk berada di setiap sisi kemelut dunia. Aku dianggap tak mampu bersanding bersama matahari dan bulan ataupun bintang, mereka mengira aku tak layak mengenal sensasi hidup. Hingga aku akhirnya membuat stigma baru bagi kehidupanku sendiri bahwa aku belum siap menjadi dewasa.
Hening kian beranjak dan jauh membawa diriku dan membenam di dasar kebisuan. Namun entah mengapa aku menemukan jeda untuk bisa bercerita kepada angin.
Dahulu kala saat dunia masih polos dengan semerbak wangi jelatangnya, rumput menghampar jauh sepanjang mata bisa memandang, seorang lelaki hidup bersahaja dalam sebuah gubuk di hamparan rumput itu. Hidupnya teramat sepi tanpa teman yang bisa membuatnya berbagi kisah. Namanya Fulan dan inilah kisahnya.
Ia berjalan melewati setapak yang hanya bisa dilewati oleh sepasang insan namun nyatanya hanya dirinyalah yang berjalan menyapukan langkah pada tanah kering yang membelah hamparan ilalang. Suasananya hening dan segala nyanyian burung meredam dalam lingkar pepohonan serupa.
Pertanyaan angin, apa yang dilakukannya ditempat itu? Bahkan seorang insanpun tak akan mampu menghidupkan dirinya dalam paradigma seperti itu, menjadi lelaki yang disebut oleh orang-orang “manusia teraneh”. Hamparan ini adalah bumi yang tak bernama dan tak ada satupun hiburan atau istilahnya “amuzing of life” yang bisa membuat guratan senyum diwajahnya.
Tetapi inilah faktanya, bahwa meskipun tempat ini adalah bumi tak bernama namun toh ada seseorang yang hidup dalam rengutan angin. Kini aku menjawab pertanyaan angin, apa yang dilakukan lelaki ini di tempat itu. Bahwasanya ia menganggap bahwa jalan setapak itu adalah hamparan jalan yang dikelilingi oleh kisah imajinasi yang bernyawa. Setiap saat ketika ia memandang rimbun hutan disekitarnya ia melihat rombongan-rombongan berkuda seraya mengiring ratunya dengan pakaian adat baju bodo kemerahan. Bahkan ia bisa melihat dunia lain dimana ada sebuah negeri yang terselimutkan kabut.
Namun lebih dari pada itu ada sesuatu yang membuatnya melaju ke tempat itu. Maukah kau tahu?
Cinta, apa sebenarnya cinta itu? Banyak jawaban karena setiap diripun melahirkan wujud cinta yang beragam bagai variasi wajah manusia. Namun hanya satu hal yang membuatnya sama bahwa cinta lahir dari hati, nari nur yang terpelihara oleh berkas terang, hanya ketika memiting ke tanah dan cintapun mulai diartikan berlainan dan terselubung dalam lumpur. Seperti hati Adam yang terbungkus dalam tujuh jenis tanah. Dan Fulan nampaknya dianugerahi oleh_Nya jenis cinta yg berbeda. Namun anehnya, Fulan tidak mengenalnya sebagai cinta tetapi sebuah kisah dongeng yang mudah sirna dan terlupakan seperti wallpaper yang berwarna namun ketika kita berpaling, seolah kita lupa seperti apakah tadi warna itu.
Fulan diberi cinta tetapi tidak mampu mempergunakannya karena jiwanya hampa setelah sosok manusia yang menantang hempasan berkas air terjun itu telah dimiliki oleh orang lain. Hidupnya hancur bagai seorang sufi yang menghempaskan kisah hidupnya ke hamparan jalan gelap di bawah langit malam. Tangisnya terurai linangan darah, daging di tulangnya seakan remuk dan mengkerut. Fulan bersedih kekasihnya melayang jauh bersama takdirnya.
Fulanpun murung dan akhirnya ia hidup sebatang kara tanpa tujuan. Ia memilih berjalan di jalan setapak itu karena berharap di ujung jalannya ada seseorang yang menjadi impian itu berdiri menghadangnya. Namun seolah keinginannya memaksa jalan hingga ia menjadi bayangan masa lalu.
Bagi kalian yang pernah melihat Fulan yang berjalan di sana seorang diri dibawah langit malam kelam, kukatakan mungkin kalian salah lihat karena sebenarnya Fulan telah lama mati puluhan tahun yang lalu sejak ia merasakan patah hati yang begitu nikmt. Namun jika kau melihatnya juga….yeah…itulah hantunya. Bisa jadikan? Karena sesungguhnya Fulan itu adalah Aku.
Pada dasarnya aku adalah sosok yang selalu menemukan kebuntuan, karena aku bingung atau apalah itu. tetapi yang jelas, hidup adalah pengorbanan yang terkadang menyakitkan…….dan membingungkan. Hari ini adalah sebuah kepura-puraan tetapi aku merasa bebas untuk berada dalam hal itu. Dengan berpura-pura bahwa aku bisa hidup dalam segala keinginan telah menjadikan fulan sendiri hidup dalam imajinasinya. dan utnuk itulah aku merasa kaya……
Aku akan menemukan jendela dan berharap akan menemukan sesuatu yang berbeda. Dan pengharapanku itu adalah hamparan rerumputan yang luas dan aku menemukan keberanian untuk melakukan perjalanan menjadi musafir. Aku bisa menyaksikan kebebasanku untuk melihat sapi-sapi berbintik, gadis-gadis pemerah susu dan segala hal-hal yang belum pernah aku lihat.
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